Captain McGarley’s Exploding Bum Ale
If you don’t know why farts are funny, ask an eight-year-old boy to explain it to you.
If you don’t give this item to a boy, make sure it’s to a girl you know very well. Pretty much every boy is deeply interested in farts but your mileage may vary with girls.
Legend has it that Captain McGarley was a disturbed wizard who liked the smell of other people’s farts. He spent most of his life in the lab concocting his now famous ale. Shortly after finishing the recipe he died in a lab explosion. I’ll let you guess what caused it.
Captain McGarley’s Exploding Bum Ale is a single use item that causes the drinker to fart loudly, uncontrollably and always at the correct time.
“Correct” in this context means “most inappropriate” (e.g. meeting the king for the first time), “most frustrating” (e.g. trying to sneak past a sleeping dragon), or “just plain funniest”.
Each flagon of Captain McGarley’s Exploding Bum Ale generates between 1 and 3 farts which can stay inside the recipient’s body for decades if the right conditions are not met. Each fart contains a boon as well which can be determined at the time of deployment. Pick one of the following or make up your own. Remember, funny is always better than useful.
- A poison cloud emerges from the player’s behind. By running around he can spread the cloud and damage opponents.
- A cloud emerges that puts creatures to sleep, including possibly the character releasing it.
- An explosion rockets the character across the room or field, bowling over opponents and allies.
- Fire emerges burning everything it touches.
- Horrible, horrible smell. Just horrible. I mean the kind that you keep smelling for days, that gets into your dreams. Lingering.
Note, no matter what the effect, the character is probably going to have a big hole in his pants. Make sure you play this up until he gets himself a new pair or sews giant leaves over his butt.